Emotionless
by Miran-chan
Summary: Life throws all sorts of things at you. And eventually, one day, through no fault of your own, you may break and lose all feeling.


Disclaimer: No matter how much I wish, I will never be able to afford X-files. They belong to Fox. This was written to make the writer happy that she can write, with no profit of any form in mind. :)

There really were no more reasons to continue this charade. Everything that had ever mattered was gone, replaced by the quiet that surrounded her, day in, day out.

***

Years ago, when they had just met for the first time, she still had real emotions. She was young, new to the world, still making her way up the career ladder, though it was painfully obvious that this was probably her final destination.

She could still smile at happy memories and for no apparent reason.

"So, where does G-woman want to have lunch?"

She would laugh with him, and proceed to drag him down to the Italian restaurant across from the offices, where he would order a pizza and she would settle for a salad.

Back then, she didn't believe in his work.

***

Several years later, her smile still held, though it was no longer as innocent and pure.

"Just think about this, just for a moment. Doesn't it sound possible?"

She would reply with a comment to brush him off. Later, when the case was over, she would offer him a smile and they would proceed back to D.C. to watch a movie and eat Chinese on her couch and argue over who would write up the Report for the A.D.

At night, she would cry herself to sleep, thinking of her near death and the loss o her sister.

***

One day, the smile had stopped reaching her eyes. They had lost so much. It was impossible to bear, and yet, somehow, she still went on, fighting to achieve some illusive truth.

"You do realise that sometimes, the truth is simply not enough, don't you?"

***

In a few years, everything had changed once again.

The cause she had once shunned as impossible, hunted every second of her life. Intrigues, betrayals, aliens and hatred surrounded her on every step. She had become fanatical in her search for the truth, denying any logical explanations.

"I know it sounds impossible, but just think! It all makes sense!"

She could feel the disapproving eyes of others, hear the whispers that stopped every time she drew near.

She had really ceased to care.

The only time she felt anything anymore was when a little boy stretched his baby arms towards her, begging to be lifted up and cuddled and loved. The baby was a part of _him_ after all.

***

Being on the run, alone with him had dulled her pain somewhat, but she found that no matter how much she had faked happiness, he always saw through her.

It made her angry: giving up everything for him had changed nothing.

"How was the day at the hospital?"

She would smile and say something cheerful, but her eyes were always closed, battling the tears threatening to spill.

"Do you still not believe it even though you know the truth?"

She would not even look his way.

***

"You know what, Scully?"

She nods in his direction.

"You haven't changed."

She thinks she knows what he means. After all, she is still as young as the day he came back to her. Even though it has been 10 years, and his hair is heavily sprinkled with grey.

"You are still as emotionless and unbelieving as ever."

She wants to scream, to throw something at him, to tell him that no, it isn't true and that she still loves him. That she believes in their cause. But none of that comes out. Maybe it has really drained her. Afterall, she did lose her son, her family, friends, all that she has ever held dear.

She simply stares at his retreating back, as he walks out of her bedroom door, their home, and their life.

She doesn't cry when they find his body in a forest, several weeks later.

**

Years go by, and she stays to the side, watching as the world keeps on moving around her, always changing. Memories blur and she chooses to forget. Looking at faded pictures of a lifelong past is all she ever does, all day long. Living is not for her, but she cannot simply die and leave this illusion behind. And despite the pain, she never once sheds a tear.

AN: Once more, Miran is back!

I realise this piece is rather disjointed and dark. But it fit my mood and I enjoyed writing depressing stories for once. I do happen to have an obsession with the possibility of Scully being immortal and how she would deal with loss over her life just fascinates me. She's such a strong woman, so what could take her to the brink of collapse?

And I promise that I will eventually get to continuing with my Chronicles of Ragnarok story. I am in the process of editing the next chapter. But i need inspiration. And an excuse not to do uni work, which i really don't have. :(

Pls, review this. I like improving. Does wonders for essay writing, even of they are in finance ^_^


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